Share Facebook. Why do guys say things to be deliberately hurtful? Add Opinion. DoggyDude opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. Xper 6. However, in my experience, sometimes its that the guys simply don't see things the same way as girls and vice versa hence this wondefull site where we know we are receiving inpersonal answers and tend not to take offence.
The girl might be secretly nervous and hoping the guy will see how the thing in question effects her and that she's looking for a response in understanding.
The guy will just see a straight forward question put to him, and will respond honestly, on many occasions completely hurting the girl with the reply. This is because the guy is thinking "generally" about the question and the girl is "going somewhere" with the asking. This also happens in reverse, but usually with things girls take for granted as being "general" which guys do not. So for example, a guy might ask a girl what she did last night, knowing he had texted her asking her for a date or thinking he asked her for a date he actually just texted "so, what are you up to" and the girl preceeds to describe a fantastic night out, which the guy feels hurt by because his text was unimportant to her.
Occasionally you meet someone miraculas who simply understands you, or someone with such common experiences you both naturally talk along same lines and so hurt less regularly occurs. Also, someone who has lived a "intense" life and has a lot of people experience can be more sensitive and spot these sub texts. Secondly, when we hurt, we say the truths we have been hiding and not sharing because we love someone.
We blurt out the things that have pained us and until that point we have not wished to mention them because we don't want to hurt the person. When we hurt, we feel, why am I hiding this, this person didn't bother not to hurt me? Usually, the other person has been SO bothering not to hurt us, and when we hurt them a flood of hurt happens.
Is this still revelant? Thank you for your input. Good post, though. Show All Show Less. Because That's all there is to it Good Luck. That's sooo true! No man I mean all men are not like this.
Your Post was very detailed. Best answer is always a kiss up. Starlight79 Xper 2. I wish I knew, I wonder the same thing! However, my best guess is it's like the "grown up" heavy quotes version of a kid in grade school who likes you pulling on your hair, or whatever. Or, and this is why it can be so hurtful and confusing, like with anyone This one really gets me because it's so not personal, but it really feels personal But often times I've had guys say things that surprise me because I realize they see me, for example, as super intimidating, or like they THINK I think I'm hot shit, and don't realize I'm super shy or nervous or insecure haha.
So then they are being mean or dumb to cut me down but have no clue that only THEY see me that way. At least that's the best way I can cope! I think guys who do that are just mean people who don't care about other's feelings. I'm not gonna try to justify it by saying "oh that's how men are" because just because you have a penis doesn't mean you can't be a decent person. I used to cry because of how hurtful he was and now he acts like nothing is wrong? I can't help but be bitter and bitchy to someone like that.
Whoever gave me thumbs down is probably one of those asshole guys. OR he is into her and he is acting like a clown to get her attention and he is too shy to tell her straight up hown she makes him feel weak in the knees! And you want to work on creating positive change. Focus on changing your behavior, not hers. Offer an explanation, but not an excuse. You might need to take a deep breath and count to 10, or you may need to notice how your body responds.
Your heart might start to beat fast, or your face may feel hot. Work with your wife on developing a plan that will support your efforts to remain calm. The plan might involve taking a break or walking away for a few minutes when you feel frustrated. A little self-reflection might go a long way toward helping you better understand what happens when your wife brings up an issue.
Uncovering the reason that you get defensive can help. You might spend a few minutes distracting yourself with a household task, or you might go to another room to cool down. It takes time to create new habits. It will also take hard work to break free of your old patterns. If you struggle to do it on your own, reach out to a therapist.
Talking to someone could help you feel better, and it may also help you improve your relationship with your wife. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life.
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